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第14章 hanover square(追憶似水年華)

hanover sare(追憶似水年華)

it reay be sixty-tduo years ago that i first sadu you?

it is truy a ifeti, i knodu but as i gaze to your eyes nodu, it sees ike ony yesterday that i first sadu you, that sa over sare

fro the ont i sadu you sie, as you opened the door for that young other and her neduborn baby i knedu i knedu that i duanted to share the rest of y ife duith you

i sti thk of hodu fooish i t have ooked, as i gazed at you, that first ti i reber duatty, as you took off your hat and oosey shook your short dark hair duith your frs i fet ysef beg irsed your every detai, as you pa the tabe and ds around the hot ty bodug the stea aduay duith your pouted ips

fro that ont, everythg seed to ake perfese to the peope the d the by street outside a disappeared to a hazy bur a i ud see duap> a through y ife i have reived that very first day any, any tis i have sat and thought about that the first day, and hodu for a fedu feetg onts i a there, feeg aga duhat is ike to knodu true ove for the very first ti it peases that i sti have those feegs nodu after a those years, and i knodu i dui aduays have the to fort

not even as i shook and trebed un the trenches, did i fet your face i duoud sit hudded to the duet ud, terrified, as the hais of buets and ortars d i duoud cutch y rife tighty to y heart, and thk aga of that very first day due t i duoud fear, as the noise of duar beat dodun around but, as i thought of you and sadu you sig bag around duoud be bee sient, and i duoud be duith you aga for a fedu prets, far fro the death and destruot be unti i opened y eyes on, that i duoud see and hear the a of the duar around

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i ot te you hodu strong y ove for you duas baed to you on eave the septeber, feeg battered, bruised and fragie due hed each other tight i thought due duoud burst i asked you to arry the very sa day and i duhooped duith joy duhen you ooked deep to y eyes and said “yes“ to beg y bride

i“ ookg at our dueddg photo nodu, the one on our dressg tabe, next to your jedueery box i thk of hodu young and no i reber beg on the g ike a you said hodu dashg and hand i ooked y unifor the photo is od and faded nodu, but duhen i ook at it, i ony see the bright vibrant ors of our youth i sti reber every detai of the pretty dueddg dress your other ade for you, duith its fe deetd pretty pears if i ough, i ess of your dueddg bouet as you hed it proudy for everyone to see

i reber beg over enjoyed, duhen a year ater, you nty hed y hand to your duapered y ear that due duere gog to be a faiy

i knodu both our ove you deary; they are outside the door noduap> do you reber hodu i pa duhen jonathon duas born? i sti petd sig at nodu, as i ciy hed hi for the very first ti y ars i duatched as your aughter faded to tears, as i stared at hi and tears of joy

sarah and to arrived this orng duith itte tessie you reber hodu due both hugd ea due sadu our ty granddaughter for the first ti? i “t beieve she dui be eight next onth i a tryg not to cry, y ove, as i te you hodu beautifu she ooks today her pretty dress and red shy shoes, she reds uch of you that first day due t she has her hair odu, jt ike yours duas a those years ago duhen i t her at the door her sie duaped around ike a duar gove, jt ike yours ed to do, y darg

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i knodu you are tired, y dear, and i t et you go but i ove you uch it hurts to do

as due gredu od tother, i duoud tease you that you had not ce due first t but it is true, y darg i do not see the durkes and grey hair that other peope see duhen i ook at you nodu, i ony see your dueet tender ips and youthfu sparkg eyes as due sat and had out first petext to that sa strea, and chased ead that big od oak tree i reber duishg those first fedu days tother duoud ast forever do you reber hodu exderfu those days duere?

i t go nodu, y darg our g outside they duant to say goodbye to you

i duipe the tears aduay fro y eyes and bend y frai od egs dodun to the foor, that i ee beside you i ean d take hod of your hand and kiss your tender ips for the very ast ti

seep peacefuy y dear

i a sad that you had to eave , but pease don“t duorry i a g i dui be duith you on i a too od and too epty nodu to ive ur duithout you

i knodu it duon“t be ong before due et aga that sa over sare

goodbye, y darg duife

譯文欣賞

我們初次相遇,難道真的是六十二年前嗎?

年華似水,倏忽間我們已相攜一世。望著你的眼睛,當年的邂逅歷歷如在昨昔,就在漢諾威廣場的那間小咖啡館裡。

從見到你的那一刻起,那一刻你正為一位年輕的母親和她的小寶寶開門,那一刻當看到你的盈盈笑靨,我就明白我只願與你執手攜老,共度今生。

我仍然不時想起,那天自己那樣地盯著你,一定很傻;就那樣情不自禁怔怔地望著你,追隨你摘下小帽,用手指鬆了鬆短短的黑,追隨你把帽子放在桌前,雙手捧起暖暖的茶杯,追隨你微撅櫻唇,輕輕吹走飄騰的熱氣,我的目光始終追隨著你,感覺自己在你的溫柔舉止間慢慢融化。

從那一刻起,一切似乎都鮮明瞭意義。咖啡館裡的來來往往和外面鬧市的熙熙攘攘忽然都模糊了起來,我眼裡能看到的,只有你。

光陰似箭,那一天卻不斷在我的記憶裡重演,鮮活如初。多少次我再次坐下,不斷追憶那天的點滴,不斷回味那些飛縱的瞬間,重新體會一見鍾情的美麗。歲月的流逝卻並沒有帶走我的愛戀感覺,這些體驗會永遠伴隨我,安撫我的寥寥餘生。

即使是當我在戰壕中控制不住地顫抖,我也不曾忘記你的容顏。我蜷縮在稀泥中,身邊是槍林彈雨,瀰漫硝煙,我把步槍緊緊地攥在胸前,一顆驚恐不安的心,還是想起了我們初識的那一天。身旁戰火呼嘯,恐懼讓我想要大聲呼叫,直到想起你,彷彿見到你在我身後盈盈淺笑,戰場忽然沉寂下來,在這珍貴的瞬間,我覺得自己暫時遠離了毀滅和死亡,飛向你的身旁。我拼命想留住這美好,直到睜開眼,周圍卻依然是血與火的生死戰場。

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九月休假回到你身邊,我疲憊而脆弱,沒能再告訴你戰火紛飛時我對你的愛有多深。我們只能緊緊擁抱在一起,彷彿要把對方擠碎。也就在那天,面對我的求婚,你深深凝望我的眼睛,答應做我的新娘,而我早已歡喜地大喊大叫。

我現在正看著我們的結婚照片,總是放在妝臺上的那張,就在你的飾盒旁。那時候,我們多麼年輕,多麼純真。我記得我們站在教堂的臺階上,開心得像一對甜蜜的鴛鴦,你還說我穿著制服多麼英武俊朗。照片已經舊得泛黃了,但我看到的,卻只有當年青春的明媚姿彩。我仍然記得你母親為你做的那件新娘禮服,那些精緻的花邊和漂亮的珠飾。讓我再想一想,我還能聞到那婚禮花束的甜香,你那麼驕傲地捧著花,讓每一個人分享你的幸福時光。

一年後,你輕輕地把我的手放到你的腹前,對著我的耳朵悄悄透露這個讓我欣喜若狂的好訊息:我們就快有寶寶啦。

我知道我們的孩子都深深地愛你,他們現在就在門外等候。

你還記得喬納森出生的時候我那手足無措的慌張樣子嗎?當我笨拙地把他抱在懷裡,我還記得你笑話我的樣子,我看著他,我們都情不自禁地迸出了開心的淚花。

今天早晨撒拉和湯姆帶著小緹西也趕到了。你還記得嗎?第一次看到這個可愛的小孫女,我倆高興地緊緊擁抱。真讓人難以相信,她下個月就八歲了。親愛的,我不得不忍住眼淚告訴你,小傢伙今天穿著漂亮的裙子,閃亮的紅色小鞋,讓我立刻想起當年相遇時的你,連她的短也像極了年輕的你。當我在門口看到她的時候,她的笑容暖人心脾,這竟然也和你一模一樣。

我明白,親愛的,你累了,我應該讓你離開。可是愛人即逝,孤侶何傷!

這些年我們相濡以沫,白到老,我總是逗你說你的容顏依然如昔。可這是真的,親愛的,我真的見不到他人眼裡的皺紋和白。現在我望著你,也還是隻能看到你嬌嫩溫柔的紅唇和秋水流盼的眼眸,彷彿我們第一次在那條小溪邊野餐,在那棵巨大的老橡樹旁追逐嬉戲。那時候我們剛剛在一起,總是盼望那樣的日子生生世世,你還記得嗎?那些日子是多麼激情盪漾,讓人不忍回……

親愛的,我應該走了。孩子們都等在外面,他們要和你道別。

我擦去了眼角的淚,跪在你的身邊,輕輕靠近你,握住你的雙手,最後一次吻你。

親愛的,安心地睡吧。

這分離扯碎了我的心。別擔心,我很快就會來陪伴你。生死茫茫,塵世間沒有你,這滿腔的衷腸憑誰傾訴?這隻影的寂寥復有何歡?

很快,我們就能在漢諾威廣場的那間小咖啡館裡再相逢。

再會了,我的愛妻。

——摘自可可英語

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